Hey
This post does not need a reply in itself. However I feel that in the past 4 weeks I have TRAWLED the internet, baby forums, ectopic forums, miscarriage forums, wanting to find other people diagnosed with an ectopic which resolved naturally. There was very little information out there and when I did connect with someone from the states - I found it a massive relief.
I want to leave this message here so that if there’s another woman, trawling the boards at 3am in a few months from now - there’s something there.
My story 
Tuesday 23rd October - unplanned positive pregnancy test. I took this test because I had ordered loads for work and thought it a bit odd that I hadn’t got my period after taking the period delay pills - usually you come on 3 days later. Did not expect to be pregnant and this gave me utter panic as at 32 it wasn’t on my plan. In hindsight I’d had all symptoms - full boobs, smelling EVERYTHING (who knew raw potatoes had a smell?!) and being off all the lovely foods like cake and coffee that I enjoy.
Friday 26th October - strong period cramps and pink bleeding - GP appointment. Told to self refer to EPAU. Most pregnancy symptoms stop abruptly.
Monday 29th Oct: pink spotting/bleeding. Transvaginal scans do not show baby but obscured slightly by fibroids. No symptoms of pain. They struggle to see my left ovary due to fibroid. HCG 375. Diagnosed with Pregnancy of Unknown Location PUL. Endometrium 8mm - small amount of free fluid which can be a sign of ectopic. Told pregnancy not viable.
Weds 31st: HCG 245 (not a sufficient expected drop for miscarriage) Scans show nothing. I’m excited I’ve had a drop even if ‘sub optimal’.
Friday 2nd Nov: HCG 251 - breasts have become sore again. Feels like my body is working against me - if it’s over, how is this starting again?! I’ve had 2 days of heavier bleeding - but this is heavy for me who has light periods. Advised against using tampons but I did on one day - in 4 hours I filled HALF normal tampon. I feel proud but the face of the nurses say this isn’t enough.
I pass some tissue after a 5 hours of cramps (easily medicated / breathed through. It was only at the end I took some ibuprofen) A decidual cast came out - not as scary as the google image versions! But 2 perfectly womb shaped sheets came out. I figure this is good, it’s all out right?!
Sunday 4th Nov: HCG 190 - I celebrate. Heavy bleeding today. Had to go to inpatient ward for the test as EPAU is closed. Bled over my skirt, not a great experience but I’m happy - it’s dropped!
Wednesday 7th - I’ve been given 3 days instead of 2 between bloods bc hey it’s going down right? Wrong. Back up to 235!!! Devastated. No, actually devastated - trapped in a nightmare. Accidental pregnancy happens to teens right? Is this punishment for me? I’m terrified of medical procedures and I can’t do this anymore. I’m in shock.
Sent via emergency to the hospital and I have to wait on inpatient gynae. I’m terrified - so terrified I have a full on panic attack something I’ve not experience since my teenage years. I beg the doctor for a plan. Watch and waiting is not working for me I can’t do this, the unknown and good news bad news is terrible. I’m fed up of transvaginal scans whilst bleeding. The 7 attempts to get blood. I hate it all. This is my lowest point. Methotrexate terrifies me as my friend had a bad experience being treated for a different condition and panic has taken over. I beg for surgery! I wait and they speak but they want to consult the head of the department - who is in a conference. I’m told I will have surgery before the weekend. I go home to wait and make plans.
5pm I get a call - toldno surgery but another 5 days of watch and waiting. I’m emotionally exhausted. Throughout this time aside from specified times, I have spotting, always pink or sometimes bright red when wiping. No clots. I’d packed PJs, begged for lifts and people to look after me post op ( I live alone ).
Friday 8th - bad cramps, proper bad for me. But I continue my day bizarrely. I go for lunch - I need to see outside my apartment! I have to breathe through. This is the first pain that breaks through pain relief. When I get home I’m terrified - is this a sign of rupture? Am I imagining this?! Is my anxiety taking over? Not enough pain for a 999, period pains and more on left side. I’m so scared I will need to call emergency in the night - I have no one local.
I decide to take a Codiene and take a nap. 2 hours later I wake up and do my frequent check (am I bleeding?!) and whilst there is no blood, I find a small lump of mucus which has a vague structure. I’m half asleep and truly assume this must be something… I don’t know. But I don’t click that actually, this is as the doctors describe the ‘products of conception”.
Monday 12th HCG 109 - this drop signifies to me that what I passed was a ‘something’ - only now do I click!
Monday 9th - HCG 79
Monday 27th - HCG 43
They will stop testing when I get under 20.
The reason I’ve posted this - aside from it being Very therapeutic(!) is for anyone in future who finds themselves in this psychological trap. I feel grateful I didn’t need surgery but the watch and wait has some different challenges. 48hour monitoring and often bad news when things go up. I’ve had 4 weeks of bleeding (appears to have finally ceased). I was constantly on edge waiting for a big internal or miscarriage bleed. At EPAU everyone was lovely but EVERY doctor has said something different - the locum registrar on inpatient was certain I was having a miscarried, one is certain it was ectopic due to the left handed pain when passing ‘products’ and the doctor I spoke to yesterday said it’s possible the pregnancy was just not seen on the screen and actually if passing the products was the miscarriage itself, then they would usually just test 3 weeks later.
So. Much. Info. Sometimes you feel ‘should I be here?’ Am I ectopic? Is it not? It’s difficult bc you feel guilty reading of people who have had emergency surgery - and this also makes you scared, you’re effectively told this can happen at any point to you too.
My body feels like it’s on the home run now. I wish there was more practical information on watch and wait out there. It’s been a psychological nightmare BUT I am actually grateful I’ve been on this path, now I can see the end in sight.
I want to leave this here, to remind someone in future, it can be successful. Be aware of your body but don’t panic - it doesn’t have to involve heavy bleeding or intense pain. Expectant Management is suitable for some people.
You’re not alone if you’re baffled by diagnoses, if you feel weird joining in conversations bc your pregnancy was unplanned.
I had an amazing call at one stage with the ectopic association - THANK YOU! and sent a ranting anxious email at one stage, just to know someone could hear me. It’s normal. This process is disturbing, and invasive and can make you feel trapped but it can be successful, and if it is, it means you have avoided more invasive treatments.
It will end but during that time you will obsess about hcg, drink a lot of raspberry leaf tea and assume your bleeding has stopped SO MANY TIMES. But it hasn’t, it’s back, and it’s normal. Not everyone gets bleeding but apparently the stop / start in ectopic is quite common.
Oh and if you’re me you’ll have taken at least 100 cheap amazon pregnancy tests to see the darkness of the line - and it’ll all be pointless because your body just takes time and those tests are SO sensitive.
You’re not crazy, or alone.