Hi Everyone,
I am a new member to this forum,I thought it might help to talk to some people who have been in my own situation or maybe try and help some ladies who could be going through this at present… I’m going to start from the beginning I hope I don’t ramble to much lol ,
Basically January 2014 I took a pregnancy test and to mine and my partners amazement it was positive,we have been together since we were 13,we are now both 24, We were so happy as we always wanted a child.I quit smoking instantly changed my diet started to eat healthier.It was fine until a couple weeks in i started to bleed,it worried me greatly so I went to hospital to check myself out and make sure everything was ok,
I had a blood test taken every couple of days to check my HCG levels and they were rising showing I was still pregnant and something was happening confused from the bleeding they kept a close eye on me and had many more blood tests (I swear i could have kept Dracula alive lol) joking aside the mental pain was torture the HCG was rising but very slowly instead of doubling as it should have been, i was told I was probably miscarrying and my body just still contained HCG but this didn’t explain the slow rise.I had a number of internal scans unfortunately they couldn’t find anything, no sac nothing all they said was my ovaries looked a little large and could be PCOs,
I had one scan with a trainee and the head lady walked in and said to her “you do know that’s upside down” meaning the instrument that was inserted in me at the time! this was needless to say not very comforting,they couldn’t see anything still so I went home and was booked in for another a scan in a couple more days all the time my blood was still showing a HCG rise I don’t know why but I clung to the tiniest bit of hope I had I was talked through the methotrexate route and was told I could do this and have it all over and done with I wanted to try and give it just two more days so I did,
I went in for my final scan,my partner was at work and I told him not to worry as they hadn’t seen anything so far so this was just what I thought would be another pointless scan, wow was I wrong, I looked over at the screen trying to make sense of the blodges and funny shapes on the screen when I see the nurse look very serious and a little sad, she looked at me and said I’m so sorry,looking at he screen I saw a tiny little sack with a tiny little fetus with a flicker she told me the baby had a heartbeat and it was illegal for them to perform methotrexate injection as there was a heartbeat,even though my little bean had a heartbeat it was stuck in my left Fallopian tube she explained nothing could be done but to remove my whole tube and the baby as it was to dangerous and it would burst my tube.I never forget that day or the way I felt,I remember calling my partner and parents with a huge lump in my throat trying to explain what the nurse had said,it still gets me now typing this now.
The next thing knew I was on a ward nill by mouth awaiting my operation,my partner had come and I remember trying to stay strong for him as I knew it was all he wanted ,all we both wanted, I could see it in his face but he was so scared for me he told me that I took priority and he loved me and tried to make me feel better, he couldn’t stay overnight as the hospital wouldn’t let him,in the morning I was whisked in for my opp all I remember is the lights on the ceiling one after the other as they wheeled me in.The next thing I remember is waking up in shock in recovery and someone saying my name “Sarah,Sarah,its ok Sarah your alright” my teeth were chattering and there was a oxygen mask on my face it was the weirdest feeling. All I wanted to do was go home after another day of monitoring I was told I could go home.I remember all I seemed to do when I got home for the next I cant even remember was cry,I could see my partner was so upset as-well trying to fight back tears of his own,he was so attentive didn’t want me moving to quick frightened I might hurt myself somehow,I was told not to lift or do anything to strenuous.I felt absolutely useless I was a night carer for the elderly,loved to garden and make things and all of a sudden I was told to rest and not do hardly anything.
A couple weeks past and I began to feel a little better physically not great but a little better, I swear I felt Id cried a thousand tears and had run dry but somehow late at night when all you have is your own thoughts it made me so upset,I just felt as though it was my fault and how could this have happened to me. it was only after I had my ectopic that I realized how common ectopic pregnancies are for ladies,it saddened me to know that this happens a lot for people.
A year later I had a second laproscopy procedure this time it was exploratory as I was still suffering a lot of pain in my abdomen, I was diagnosed with endemetriosis, they chose to cut it out and stitch my back up again, I came to luckily I wasn’t in as much shock as the first time when I came round. They let me go that night thankfully as i chose to leave for my own bed.
So its one more year on since then, I’m one tube down,I still feel pain in my abdomen and unfortunately even though I haven’t used any protection with my partner we still are struggling to conceive, Is anyone in my situation at the moment or have you been in my situation ? I hope that one day me and my partner are lucky to have a child and be parents but until then I guess its just a waiting game. Does anyone have any ideas or helpful hints to trying to conceive.
I hope whoever reads this is ok and I’m sorry if you have had a loss as-well my thoughts are with you all and just know Im always here if anyone wants to chat.I know how hard it is it still affects me greatly mentally xx Kind regards Sarah xXx
n thank u for ur kind reply back to me. I don’t think we ever get over loosing our babies but like u said it does help talking to others who understand on these forums.
xx