I am absolutely broken… 11th month ttc since ectopic pregnancy and having MTX I feel like it’s never going to happen… I feel numb and dead on the inside. Can’t even be seen by a fertility specialist until I bring my BMI down to 30. I feel so hopeless and i don’t know what more I can do or what else I can try apart from focusing on weight loss just to be seen by a specialist. It’s just not fair…
Dear Saarrraaaa,
I am so sorry to hear of the difficult time you are going through.
I very much understand that strong desire to conceive. I appreciate how frustrating it can be if it isn’t happening as quickly as we would like. Conceiving successfully can take time and can take some couples more than a year or so.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.
In addition. having regular sex means having sex every 2/3 days throughout the month. Guidance from the UK’s National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence advises that having sex around the time when the woman ovulates causes stress and is not recommended. We here at the EPT suggest having intercourse 2/3 times between days 10-20 of their cycle when trying to conceive.
I understand you have been given a weight loss target to achieve prior to fertility referral. Are you having some support for this so it doesn’t seem like a long, lonely road? Many GP surgeries in the UK, now have access to Social Prescribers, these are specialist practitioners who can provide information and will continue to support you through your weight loss journey.
Also, if you are starting to feel low in mood with everything going on, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling.
We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
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Hi Sara
I’m so sorry to hear the horrible time you are going through.I just wanted to message you as I can really relate to your story and how you are feeling.
Me and my fiancé had tried for 2 years to become pregnant and had seen a fertility specialist who also told me nothing could be done until I got my BMI down to below 30. I ended up becoming pregnant naturally in March last year which ended up being ectopic which I was treated with methotrexate for too.
I felt hopeless, like it was never going to happen for me and I was just lost and broken just as you are feeling. But the reason I wanted to message you was because despite all those feelings once we were able to try again we did, and I became pregnant again this time in the right place and I am due to give birth in the next few weeks.
There is hope although it doesn’t feel like it now 
xx
Hi, I’m in quite a similar position. It’s been 6 months since my surgery for ectopic and before that I was trying for 2 years. I also cannot be seen until BMI is down. I feel like there’s so much pressure to get pregnant and I receive a lot of comments ‘when you going to have a baby?’ Or ‘are you pregnant yet?’ It has really got to me recently so please know you are not alone. It really sucks but the replies you’ve already received are helpful to me so hopefully they are a comfort to you xx