Am I awful?

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1

I don’t even know where to start really…

I’m a few days out of surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy and just wondering if how I’m feeling is normal.

I didn’t know I was pregnant, didn’t even suspect, I had a coil which seems to have fallen out after 4 years of being in.

I’ve always wanted children, I’ve had this deep yearn inside for many years now - something which always made me sad, wanting one and waiting for my partner to be ready.

It all happened so fast, I found out I was pregnant and then was in having surgery the next day to remove it and my fallopian tube.

Despite the want for a child for so so long, I don’t feel like I think I should…

I don’t feel anything. I feel numb to it all.

People keep telling me they’re sorry for my loss, but I don’t feel like I’ve lost anything right now…

People keep telling me I need to face what’s happened and deal with it, I don’t even know where to begin, where to start.

Weirdly enough. Writing this is the first time I’ve cried since surgery 4 days ago.

2

Dear May2,

Can I firstly start by reassuring you that you are not awful at all.

You are having to cope with finding out you were pregnant, being diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy and then having to go through the ordeal of surgery. Trust me, this is a lot to take in and we all react completely differently and this is very normal.

It is perfectly ok to not feel loss about something you didn’t know was happening, you may find These feelings come later once you’ve processed having to go through emergency surgery or you may not feel loss at all and that is absolutely ok. It can can take people up to 3 months to begin to process a traumatic event such as this so be kind to yourself. Don’t place any expectations how you “should” be feeling as there are no right or wrong feelings just now. Just take things day by day.

Following surgery we recommend that you should take it very easy for about six weeks. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time so please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others. One day you may be okay and the next you may be in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body signals. Pain and feeling tired are your body signals to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy diet drinking lots of water and resting.

We will be here for you on this journey for however long you need us. These boards are a safe place to ask questions, read other people’s posts for information or comfort or even just to vent. We are simply here for you in anyway you need.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

3

Thank you so much for your reply.

Is it normal to feel sick/ be sick for 2 weeks after and still have no interest in food?

I’ve lost over half a stone and still just feel nauseous at the thought - and I was always hungry, a massive foodie.

I’ve seen people mention grief but I don’t know if that’s what it is as i don’t feel like I’ve done in the past if that makes sense…

4

Dear May,

The emotional and physical impacts of ectopic pregnancy loss and surgery can make you lose your appetite and feel nauseous. I would suggest keeping your fluids up and eating little and often. If it continues and you lose more weight however, I would advise seeking medical advice.

I have added information from our website about emotions following ectopic pregnancy which I hope helps too.

https://ectopic.org.uk/emotional-recovery

We, of course will continue to be here for you,

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

5

Grief can come in many forms. I just had my ectopic this past week. I had several days where I devoured everything I could read about the treatment options as the symptoms were leaning that way. I’ve even already had 4 babies. I am still in these past couple days find myself swinging between very intense, depressed feelings to complete numb, as if something happened and now I’m just on a completely different road from everyone else in the world. That I went through an experience by myself, and now I’m just kind of floating alone.

I’ve had other personal trauma that happened a few years back. Numb and detached are a very common response to a trauma. Sometimes there is anger, sometimes people want to flee, and others just completely detach to protect themselves from the pain.

I’m learning this is a rubbish thing to deal with. It happens so early before you can even fully embrace the emotions and path of being pregnant. And then somehow you are stuck in this place where you were still trying to onboard the fact that you are having a baby but then all of a sudden you are having to confront that wait no, now you are not having a baby, you lost that baby, and you almost were lost yourself had you not realized what was going on. It’s too much to try to fit into one mind at a time.