Valentine’s Day - a bittersweet day as this time last year I was at the hospital and after 10 days or so of uncertainty they finally confirmed that my pregnancy was ectopic and after hours of waiting and hanging round, of tears and sadness they gave me the methotrexate injection to end the pregnancy.
My DH (fiance at the time) had bought me a cuddly dog for Valentines day which I hated, I feel that soft toys are for babies and children not for 33 year olds. He brought it to the hospital along with my toiletries and I hid it in the bottom of the locker as it made me sad. I know my rejection of his gift made him sad but I couldn’t help it. It sits now along with all the baby things we have gathered for our new baby due in just 5 weeks time but it still makes me feel sad to look at it.
9 days after the metho I needed surgery so I know I’m going to feel sad again on the 23rd as it is another anniversary - it means we have a grave to visit and I find this comforting in a small way. Because of the mild weather our daffodils have emerged in the garden so I’ll take some daffs to the grave today. Sadly DH is working today and left in the dark and will return home in the dark so this is something I have to do myself.
Others write beautiful poems or find verses that are meaningful about their lost angels. I can’t find the right words so have just waffled but needed to recognise in some way what happened a year ago today.
Sarah x