3 months post surgery

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I found out that I was unexpectedly pregnant in May and learned it was ectopic very soon after. The surgeon unfortunately had to remove my left tube and said that the other one is likely too damaged to be used in the future. I am almost three months post surgery and I still cry everyday. I am mourning a baby I didn’t even know I wanted and I am scared for the future. The idea of IVF terrifies me.

My friends have told me that I need to move on. I know that they don’t understand what I have gone through and what I continue to deal with regularly, but I can’t help feeling as impatient with them as they are with me. I hate to resort to medication but I can’t carry on feeling the weight of this everyday and allowing it to change my relationships with others. Going through this experience alone has been a very difficult journey so it would be great to hear from other people that have felt similarly. Has anyone tried medication? Any other suggestions to help move past this?

Xx

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Hi,

I’m so sorry for everything you are going through. I also found out that I was having an ectopic pregnancy in May. I never knew how horrific the whole experience could be, I had methotrexate and surgery. Everything from the sitting in waiting rooms for hours, scan anxiety, surgery aftermath, the pains, the recovery… it was all so much worse than I had ever realised before when I was blissfully ignorant to what an ectopic pregnancy was truely like.

What I am finding is helping me, as I am still recovering, is taking pride in how strong I’ve been. I’ve just survived something truely awful and I’m still here, carrying on. I faced one of my biggest fears in that surgery. You have also just been strong, be proud of your strength.

I’ve also thrown myself into focusing on recovery. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I do know that if I recover my body properly I can try again in the future and give myself the best chance. If that doesn’t work then there are other avenues I can go down. It’s not over yet.

I did not feel like this at first but am now settling with the idea of going with the flow…

I’ve personally not taken medication but I have taken a lot of vitamins and iron to build myself back up. Been doing restorative yoga and met some lovely friends there. Been to meditation and healing which really relaxed me and brought my anxiety down. I’m currently seeing an accupunturist who specialises in fertility and gynaecology. He has put me on a diet to help my body heal as best as it can and the accupunture is to balence my hormones.

After feeling like my body was failing, I now feel like I’m working with my body again and pouring love into it. It’s making me feel better mentally and physically everyday.

Please don’t let people get impatient with you. You take time to heal. Focus on yourself and your body. How you feel is normal but you don’t know what the future holds. My advice would be, for right now, stay in the present. Take it day by day. Try to focus on healing and feeling better and then before you know it, a week would of passed without you feeling as sad… and then maybe a month…

But obviously speak to your GP if any feelings are overwhelming.

Just know you are normal and you are not alone.

You’ve just made it through something terrible, you are strong! Keep going x

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Dear KLou_1989,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy and loss we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. YouWe have information on our website about finding counselling services

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Above all be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

Sending much love,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.