I wanted to share my ectopic experience, to give women who are going through expectant management a bit of comfort and hope, as I know there aren’t many info about this type of treatment online. It would also be amazing to hear other people’s similar experiences to help me move on to TTC again.
Out of nowhere, I woke up with bleeding one morning in early May, it was definitely not spotting, more like a normal period. I was shocked and scared, thought I might just have had a miscarriage. I was 5 weeks and 5 days in my early pregnancy. We went to the hospital to do a check up, urine test came back as positive, ultrasound scan couldn’t see anything in my uterus (PUL), I was asked to do a blood test that day, and another one on Monday for them to compare my HCG levels. Though the nurse told me it was highly likely to be a miscarriage.
My husband and I were devastated and spent the weekend crying and grieving together. We tried to come to terms with it and accept what has already happened, heal and move on, only for it to have another big turn.
My Monday’s HCG came back as 1226 from my previous Thursday’s result of 589. I was asked in to do another check up. They couldn’t see anything in my uterus again in the first scan and I was offered a second scan with a different doctor to double check, as my HCG was not reflecting a normal pregnancy, nor a normal miscarriage. This time, they saw a small ectopic in my left tube and I was diagnosed with ectopic pregnancy. Since I didn’t have much pain, I was offered expectant management.
I had no idea about ectopic pregnancy, nor expectant management. The more I read about it, the more I got reckless with the potential tube rupture. I felt extremely fragile, vulnerable and confused. It was also frustrating that there was nothing I could do, but to wait and leave my fate to my body. I was so scared and constantly contemplated the idea of requesting methotrexate treatment - that would stop the embryo from growing right? I needed some certainty. I felt very uneasy throughout the process and paranoid with every little cramp, stretch and pain. I felt I was left in the limbo, no one could give me any answer, but to wait patiently in the unknown. I wished that I could have a looooooong sleep and when I woke up, I could then face the ending, be it happy ending or not.
Fortunately, my HCG has been consistently dropping, from 1226, to 1184, 985, 856 then 477 within a week, I was then asked to do weekly blood testing. It then dropped to 101, 34 then yesterday to 12. I was officially discharged. I was relieved, but with a bit sadness to know that, this time, our baby was really gone.
Expectant management can be a very frustrating and scary journey, but it can work. I received reassurance from many women on this Forum and hopefully my experience could offer some comfort to other people who are going through this too. Thanks to all the women who have shared their stories and hope we all find our ways to cope and heal.
Lots of love xxx