Negative thinking 4 weeks post op

Hi everyone

I don’t really know how to explain this. I had an ectopic pregnancy which was removed via surgery 4 weeks ago today. Physically I’m doing ok and in the last week I have been feeling better emotionally (as in- I’ve stopped crying every day and thinking about it constantly).

I’ve noticed I’m being increasingly worried that something bad is going to happen to be of my children (16 and 8). I feel like either something will take them away from me, or that I will die and leave them. I’m convinced if we try for another baby that that baby will die. So much so that I’m wondering whether it’s worth risking it. I’ve never had a miscarriage or experienced anything negative regarding pregnancies before the ectopic. Is this normal? I’ve read lots about women feeling sad and worried about trying again but nothing about this fear that something even worse is round the corner.

Dear mylittlesoybean,

I am so sorry to hear of your worries.

The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. In a recent study, it was found that 30% is people who experience ectopic pregnancy also develop ptsd, so it is much more common than we realise.

Although it is still early days on your journey, if you feel your symptoms are worsening or if your down days start to outweigh the good, There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy can be a very traumatic experience and it can take up to three months to even begin to process traumatic events such as these. Many women and people also find huge benefit in reaching out for additional support so please be kind to yourself, and know that we are here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love and gentle hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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Thank you so much.