Hello folks!
My real name is Mary, I am 38, DH’s name is Steve, have been married for 12 years, together for almost 15 years. I live in Coventry in the UK. We are both bikers and we are slightly mad - we have 2 crazy furball cats who are barking - not literally!
We had been ttc for 2 years when I had my first ep in April 1993 - I had been complaining of pains in my right hand side and visited my GP 3 times only to be fobbed off (he knew we were ttc). So I thank my DH and the emergency dr who suspected ep for saving my life - I didn’t know I was pregnant until I got to the hospital. My right tube was operated on and saved. Unfortunately the surgery didn’t go too smoothly and I woke up too soon from the anaesthetic… whilst being stiched up… but am still here to tell the tale.
We began trying again a year later after we had moved area and found another GP who assured us he would keep a careful eye on me. After the last ep, the waking up too early scenario etc I was terrified but felt we had to try - the earth mother / nurturing instinct in all of us can be and is so overwhelming!
My 2nd ep in June 95 was completely different to my first - I had central abdominal pain, wanted to pee but couldn’t - then the pain became worse. I had begun a new job and was desperate to ‘show willing’ so dosed myself up with painkillers and soldiered on - by 8pm at night I felt like I was dying so went home early, much to the disgust of my so called colleagues.
At home I was screaming in agony whilst my poor DH rang the emergency dr - his advice? To put a warm wet flannel on my stomach - even with my ep history! Oddly enough the pain went away later… by the morning I had begun bleeding so went to my GP very frightened - something just didn’t feel ‘right’ about all this.
My GP did an internal examination, I pleaded for a referral to hospital in case I was having another ep, but was still sent home to wait 2 days for an ‘emergency appointment’ all the while bleeding. At this point I felt at my lowest ebb - that no-one seemed to care or wanted to listen to me.
I arrive at the hospital, have a pg test that actually shows +ive, am taken for an emergency scan then all hell breaks loose - the sonographer drops everything and runs, there is blood everywhere, a senior consultant takes over and tells me matter of factly my baby is in my left tube. I was so ‘lucky’, about 14 weeks gone this time… with no pg symptoms whatsoever and with imminent rupture. I am whisked off to surgery where my tube and baby are removed. This leaves me with a damaged right tube remaining from the 1st ep and a ‘99.9% chance’ of a repeat ep - no comfort to us.
The next few years were a nightmare for both of us, the 2nd ep really took its toll emotionally, mentally, spirtually and physically. It took me and my DH a long, long time to come to terms with having 2 eps, never being able to ttc again naturally, the fear of a repeat ep and everything that is associated with ep (the legacy of ep). I’d like to say I had supportive people around me but I didn’t - I was expected to ‘buck up’ and ‘get on with my life’.
5 years ago I have a consultation with the top gynae here in Coventry about my remaining damaged tube being clipped and a general looky-see inside. IVF is discussed, we are told if we decide to go for it I would be closely monitored. I have the op with said consultants colleague who decides its in my best interest to leave my damaged tube intact… the stump of my removed left tube is clipped instead… I am fizzing with rage about the whole affair and complain vehemently to my cons. IVF on the NHS is offered to me and after much soul searching we agree… the desire to be parents is still strong despite our fears. We decide not to tell anyone as we cannot bear giving our families hope, nor having to deal with the many questions we have had to deal with in the past when things have gone so badly wrong before.
After a fresh cycle of IVF I fall pregnant but sadly miscarry at 6 weeks. Life events take over so we have to delay the next round of treatment. The next attempt at IVF a year later (FET) fails miserably. We decide to try again asap but once again life events have their way instead and the FET is postponed until Jan 2004.
In Dec 2003 I just don’t feel ‘right’. My af which has a tendency to be daft at times shows up but isn’t the way it should be. I manage to get a pg test and its +ive. In a wee bit of a panic I phone darling Izzie, who in my humble opinion is a goddess also!
I go see my GP the next day who fobs me off with an appointment to come back and see him for the next day but no - I am not having no GP play russian roulette with my life this time…oh no! So first thing the next morning I refer myself to the local emergnecy admissions gynae unit they had then here in Coventry (its now an Early Pregnancy Assesment Clinic in the brand spanking new university hospital we have here)
‘Lucky’ again for me I did, it was my 3rd ep in my right tube, exactly where I had my first ep - the tube and the baby are removed. The thing is I didn’t have any pain, didn’t have any bleeding as such, maybe the tiniest bit of spotting early on - I just knew something wasn’t right and I’m glad I listened to my instincts else I wouldn’t be here now, its as simple as that.
What a year 2003 was - in the space of 10 months I lost my mum, a very dear friend, a colleague, my ep baby and another person dear to my heart…
I look back on my ep history and my life events of recent years with a mixture of disbelief and incredulity sometimes that I am still sane(ish)! Without the trust and the wonderful people I am honoured to have forged friendships here with I really do not know how I would have got through this latest ep. I would also like to mention 2 ladies in particular amongst the many wonderful folk here who kept me sane: Izzie and Sarahg thank you both for everything and helping me along the rocky road… you are greatly missed Sarah and I wish the best of everything for you xxx
I am so determinded to educate people about ectopic pregnancy, to ensure that others never have to go through misdiagnosis, to listen to others stories and learn and to let people know they are not alone in all of this. I felt so isolated and alone when I had my first 2 eps, I didn’t have anyone to talk to who really understood where I was coming from, and I would hate to think there are still people out there who have to go through this. Sadly from reading all your stories I see that people are still suffering out there. Thats the fire burning within that fuels me and keeps me going folks!
Wherever you are on your journey, I wish you peace xxx
Love to you all, you remarkable and inspiring people
Lambsie (aka Mary) xxx
Update - we went back to the IVF clinic for our final go at IVF (frozen embryo transfer/FET) and the treatment failed miserably again - this was 2 weeks ago. So basically thats it for us, the journey to becoming parents and me being pregnant (or should I say having a pregnancy in the correct place) is over. Financially its a def. no go - emotionally, early days yet. Its hit us hard as these things do - we need time to grieve, to lick our wounds then who knows, perhaps adoption, perhaps living as we have been all these years without kids.
I am so glad that I have this place to come to where there are other ladies who understand about ectopics, and the devastation they cause - for this I will always be eternally grateful.
I wish you all the very best on your journeys.
xxxxxxx
We have decided to give a fresh cycle of IVF one last try - we still don’t have any funds but its amazing what you do to tide yourself over in times of need. Sod the expense is the motto in this house at the moment! We are both working so at least that means we can get by - and we are very grateful for this oppertunity. We are living for the here and now at the moment 
DH is trying his best to sell his motorbike - his pride and joy - to help raise the old coffers a bit. Well, its a unique way to raise cash
I have begun the down regulating drugs already - so am 3 days into this treatment cycle. Can only take it a day at a time - can’t think of the consequenses - its my way of coping.
Ladies, thankyou all for your lovely messages, it means a lot.
Wish me luck folks!
Love to you all
Lambsie xxx
Update:
The IVF failed miserably, my eggs are no good any more it would appear - and only one ovary responded to the meds, much to the shock of all of us - medical staff included. Out of 10 eggs from a very swollen and tender ovary only 2 were viable to fertilise - they both made it to poor quality embryos which sadly didn’t stick around.
The good thing that came out of this was its confirmed I definitely have endometriosis which would explain the excruciating af pains - LOL! The bad news is it may mean further surgery at some point, a route which I am not prepared to go down at the moment. I want some time out!
And life… is good surprisingly, because once the last treatment was over we already knew in our hearts we would not be going back to the clinic again. Oddly it felt like a weight was being lifted off our shoulders as we walked away from the clinic for the very last time. It was devastating too, don’t get me wrong, but it also felt the right thing to decide.
So that really is it folks - however… there is life after multiple babyloss and infertility. It took us a while to figure that out, so we are making up for lost time and are treating ourselves this year to our first proper holiday abroad in 5 years! 
DH never did sell his motorbike, I couldn’t bear for him to be parted from it - so am looking forward to good weather when we can both go out and boooooogie!
Thanks for sticking with me if you got this far!
Love to you all wherever you are on your journies
Lambsie xxx