Feeling Unimportant

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Hi everyone

My husband and I had just moved to Bali and had been there for 1 month when i suffered a ruptured fallopian tube. It was pretty traumatic because we were so terrified that the standard of medical care would mean that they wouldn’t be able to stop the internal bleeding. Being wheeled into that theatre trusting a Doctor who couldnt explain what was happening in proper English was terrifying. I just keep seeing my sweet husband’s face and feeling terrified that he’d lose his wife and be all alone in a foreign country. Thank God i survived and the medical staff were so kind. This site saved me and I was able to find the information i so desperately needed. Once the physical healing had taken place I found that the emotions hit. My hubby and I are fighting a lot and Im feeling like a lunatic. I have massive anxiety attacks and feel chronically unloved and uncared for in general. Im normally resilient and optimistic but its been 4 months and I feel so needy and anxiety ridden. I have normal days too but often the crazy behaviour hits out of nowhere. Could this possibly be linked to the trauma? Thanks so much

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I’m so sorry to hear about what you have been through. I had an ectopic pregnancy in June and I feel the same now that I’ve been discharged from hospital I feel like I didn’t deal with it (because I didn’t know how) I get stressed a lot and feel really unmotivated as well like I’d rather just stay at home all day and not go out. I guess what I’m trying to say is what your feeling is completely normal. I hope u start to feel better soon xx

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Dear tamemdee,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. Added to all this, you are in a country where you are experiencing language barriers and away from family and friends. My heart truly goes out to you.

I found my partner and I had very different perspectives when it came to our ectopic pregnancy. He was very concerned about losing me and my health where as all I could concentrate on was the loss of our baby and I found it very difficult to understand why he didn’t feel the same. We found keeping the lines of communication open and talking as often as we could helped. We also have a post on the 'Mens Space’s board which is written by a man discussing his experience of his wife’s ectopic pregnancy. It is beautifully written and worth reading for helping us to understand our partners perspective.

After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need, counselling is one of them, but I am not sure how easily accessible this is in Bali.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

There is no time frame for recovery, take time to grieve to heal both physically and emotionally.

We are here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.