Hi. I had my ectopic nearly two weeks ago and since then it seems like every man and his dog are announcing they are pregnant and I know that with us now having to put our plans to conceive on hold, it is just going to get worse over the next few months. I really, really don’t want to be jealous or bitter or for people to feel they can’t talk about their happiness in front of me, but I am really worrying about this. How have other people coped with this? Any help much appreciated!!
It’s completely understandable that you feel this way. I did when I lost my first baby in March last year. I found that I had to steer clear of Facebook, and surrounded myself with people who either knew what had happened, or weren’t likely to be making an announcement. At this time you need to look after yourself, put yourself first.
The best piece of advice I had was to “stare your grief right in the face and stare that f***er down. Name your feelings, recognise and own them and you will start to feel in control of them a little”. So I did, I didn’t shy away from any of the feelings that I had, I allowed myself to not be OK for a while. Because not feeling OK was part of the process of healing. You can’t, and shouldn’t deny, your feelings, feeling jealous is totally understandable. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time, remove yourself from social situations if needs be. Explain why you need to distance yourself, people will understand.
wishing you all the best
Hi there,
So sorry for your loss. I am 5 weeks post my ectopic and I get how hard it is, it is easy to say aw ill stay off facebook but in reality we just cant! during our 9 weeks of being pregnant I was pregnant alongside 2 of my friends, one who just gave birth last week and the other is due in a couple of months. All the plans we had to go on holiday together with our babies just ripped away! for me anyway.
I still cant bring myself to go and visit the new baby because I am just too sad and jealous! So happy that another baby has been delivered safely into the world…but so jealous that its not mine.
So at the minute I am sorry I cant be of much comfort but please let me know if you find a way to cope better!!
Thanks both flipping heck eeeely that sounds fully crap
Hi
I totally understand your feelings. I had an EP last December, which was my first pregnancy, and since then every single one of my friend back home is either pregnant or with a newborn, or both. My situation is a bit weird in the sense that I am originally from Italy but I live abroad. My EP ruptured during my Christmas holidays, back home :roll: , while visiting a friend house for a reunion with some girl-friends. When I recently went back there, all of them announced they were pregnant. One even told me that “After what happened to you, I discovered how everyhting ‘down there’ works, which I did not know before, so after that I thought i was ready to try for a baby!”… It was very hard to hear their stories, while thinking "I would be in my third trimester, instead I’m not, I almost died, I need to wait before I can try again (and in the meatime I get older 
) ". At the same time, I was happy for them, and tried to think that even if I am envious of their pregnancies, I would not wish them what happened to me and hope everything will go for the best for them, and that the same will happen for me sometimes. It still is very hard, but I try to tel myself to be hopeful and positive for the future of me and the others 
I have to admit, though, that being abroad is a good excuse to stay away from them, it helps a lot, and it definetly would be much harder to be there and see them all the times. I feel like I do not want to go back for a long time, for sure I will not want to be around them this summer when it would have been my due date and I will be crying all my tears again. On the other hand I think it helps me that at work I only told the boss and a couple of close friends, while the others don’t know, so I am not there being self-concious, thinking that they pity me and treat me any differently so at least when I am at work I try to keep to my standards and I manage to not think about it.
I don’t know if this can help in any way, but I think we need to support each other, as we only understand what we are going through, and I would love to know what other people do, as I feel that as some point I will have to see my friends and their babies again…
Dear tired,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
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