2 years on from ectopic and still mentally not ok

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Two years has passed since my ectopic pregnancy resolved. I was extremely lucky to have been treat with Methotrexate and surgery wasn’t necessary.

I feel frustrated that I didn’t get the answers at the time, not through lack of asking. But, when I rationally think about my questions, no one can possibly answer.

I’ve not conceived since, not through lack of trying. It’s just not happening.

I’ve recently split from my partner which was a lot to do with my fertility. I’ve gotten bitter about the whole thing, “why me?” As girls we never think we’d struggle as adults to conceive. I’m struggling to let go of the ager and the pain I feel about the ectopic and now the struggle to conceive. I’ve had fertility blood work (day 21 blood analysis) all times (3) my results have shown that my progesgrian is very low and this could signify why I am struggling to conceive. I’m soon to be 32 and it is so difficult watching women around me fall pregnant. I am happy for them truly but it seems my heart sinks lower every time.

I’ve tried my headset to move past it by talking to my now ex but I would he met with nothing other than: “you’re getting obsessed now” “you’re only bringing this up again cause ‘x’ is pregnant, you’ve been fine for weeks” I dunno? Mentally I’m struggling so much with my infertility that some days I just don’t see the point anymore.

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Dear Dec19,

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve suffered this loss. It’s important for you to remember that there was nothing you did to cause nor nothing that could have prevented an ectopic pregnancy. Many women experience a mix of feelings and this can include grief, hurt at loss and anger. Trying not to blame yourself is important, as it is no fault of yours, and nothing sadly, could have been done from stopping the ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage from happening.

The physical recovery is often quicker than our emotional recovery. It is also very natural to feel a mix of emotions when we see other people with pregnancies and children. We can feel happy for them, but also are grieving our own loss and what might have been.

We operate a helpline service, and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely, and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too if you prefer that route.

Also, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services. The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

No matter what, we are here for you whenever you need. Please know you are not alone and take all the time you need to look after yourself and recover. We are here for you whenever you want to talk.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team