Over-protective of new baby after ectopic pregnancy

Parents' Place
1

I suffered the trauma of emergency, life-saving surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy in November 2021.

Last summer (2023) I gave birth to my son, who is now 9 months old. The birth was complicated and ended in an emergency c-section. I found it very triggering, being back on an operating table.

Ever since my baby was born, I feel I have been over protective of him. When he was newborn I would get very angry if people got close to him or picked him up without my permission.

Now I still see predatory behaviour in people wanting to have cuddles with him and I hate it if they pick him up and take him to the other end of the room.

I seem to be very protective over my bond with him. I think this largely driven by guilt from when I have days feeling low.

I think I also feel aggrieved at the idea of other people forming a close bond to him without having had to go through all the trauma I did to get him, and I’m very wary of allowing people to form a bond with him, in case they “take my son away from me”.

I can see bonding with other people is healthy for my son. I can’t tell whether my feelings are reasonable or not, so I often end up suppressing them and allowing things I’m not really comfortable with around other people - especially my in-laws.

I have recently had talking therapy to process the trauma, which has helped and I am getting better at going out without my son for short periods of time (so long as he is with my husband).

Are these feelings normal and will they ease with time? Or am I massively losing perspective?

2

Dear hannah,

After everything you have been through, experiencing the trauma of ectopic pregnancy and a difficult birth of your baby, It is no wonder that you feel protective over him. This is only natural. I would say however that if the protective feelings are becoming overwhelming and making you feel angry, that’s likely to be a bit deeper than natural motherly instincts. It is good to hear that you have started talking therapies and they are helping, but I wonder if you could also speak to your midwifery team about how you are feeling and how it is impacting your life. They often have access to specialist talking therapists who are used to supporting new mums.

Sending much love,

Karen x

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