First Pregnancy Story

Who's Who
1

I was told in 2014 after years of tests that I have PCOS. We just married 2/2019 and waited a year so we could just enjoy being married and take one more vacation to be kids ourselves. We had an amazing Disney World/Universal Studios vacation and I stopped taking the pill as soon as we got home.

I work in public health in my state and I am activated as an emergency responder when we get home as well. Then surprise! Positive pregnancy test 6/11/2020. I couldn’t believe it and I was so excited to tell my husband who also stared at the pee stick in shock. We were going to wait to tell everyone until a late Father’s Day bbq so we could come up with some cheeky way to tell them. I order some cute pregnancy books on Amazon including a first pregnancy journal. 6/15 in the afternoon I start getting cramps and I’m bleeding a little. The internet says this is normal (Morgan Freeman: It was not normal).

The next day (6/16) in the morning I’m feeling much better so I’m not super worried. Then the afternoon rolls around and the pain comes back. My husband asks me to call the OB/GYN to see if they can see me sooner because what is happening. They tell me no and to contact my PCP. My PCP isn’t in the office but the doc covering her tells me to go to the ER. I said oh great I’ll be the paranoid pregnant lady who goes to the ER for everything but deep down I am worried as the cramps have gotten almost unbearable. My husband was home that day and we immediately drive to the ER. On the way we talk about what might happen and I make sure he knows my priorities in case I am unable to make those decisions for any reason.

When we get to the ER it is surprisingly slow and then triage me quickly and get me in a bed. I pee in a cup, they take some blood to confirm I am pregnant, and the ultrasound tech comes in. I’ll never forget that she said, “I’ll need to do a vaginal ultrasound because I don’t see much.” I knew that at 7 weeks she should be able to see something and I started to mentally prepare myself.

Shortly after the ultrasound is finished the physician’s assistant in the ER comes in to let us know that it is an ectopic pregnancy and based on the ultrasound and how far along I am they are extremely worried.

Then the surgical team comes in, gives me the informed consent schpiel which informs me that my tube has ruptured and I am too far along for the medication treatment route. I consent and they book me for an emergency surgery. I get taken up to my room on the surgical floor and my parents show up. Thank God my mom could be there as COVID restrictions were decreased in my county at that time and I could have a few visitors. We joke and cry and then I am wheeled into surgery. 3 hours later I have the best tapioca pudding/pain pill snack and try to put on a tough face. I’m alive and I understand what happened and why that treatment route was the best option.

I’ve recovered very well physically but every day that I have time to think, I fall apart. I work full-time, am a PhD student, and still kicking ass in this COVID response so free time is very limited. I’ve started therapy sessions and we are talking about trying again. My right tube looked healthy to the surgeon but I am slightly terrified. I know that some research indicates that trying again immediately may not be successful and I only have one tube. I really don’t want to go through this again but I don’t want to wait if we will have to try for 18 months for success.

My husband is trying to be strong for me but I know he is sad and it hurts him to see me upset so often. He has been a great support and is open to trying again whenever I am ready. I know it’s not my fault but it’s my body and I don’t quite trust it to do this anymore.

Thanks for reading, this has been helpful for me already.

Jess

2

Dear Jess,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget our babies, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.

In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, in the UK we advise to contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

As a gentle reminder regarding conceiving again, we and many medical professionals advise waiting for two menstrual cycles. It is important to allow time for your body to recover and emotions to surface and be worked through. This is so that you have some comfort that your body is returning to its natural rhythm and you have a last menstrual period date from which to date a new pregnancy - key information in checking you are not suffering from an ectopic pregnancy in the future. The first bleed soon after surgery for ectopic pregnancy is not classed as a period as it is the body’s response to falling hormone levels.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

We are here too, trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss, you are not alone. We here for emotional support whenever you need us. There is also a Specific Preparing for your next pregnancy board can look at too whenever feel ready and you may find more people read and reply to the main board, if you want to repost on that one too.

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally,

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

3

Hi Jess,

I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you’re based in the US. I am too.

I found out I was pregnant the day after you did. Within one week, I was spotting and the doctors diagnosed me as having a miscarriage. I stopped bleeding a week after that so the doctors thought I had passed the miscarriage. I never went in for a ultrasound. Two weeks after that, I fainted. I thought it was from overheating since it’s summer and so hot so I didn’t go to the doctor immediately. When I finally did I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. The doctors treated me with two rounds of methoxetrate. Last week, my bloodwork confirmed it worked. I’m so relieved that it is over, but I am so scared to ever try again. We don’t have kids and we would like them so we will figure it out. Wishing you much health and healing.

4

Thank you Karen :heart:

Mpr521, yes I am in the Seattle area. So glad that I found this site for support, it has been so helpful. I’m sorry to hear of your loss as well. I’m glad to hear the methotrexate worked well for you. I’m going to be very OCD about testing on the day my period is due from now on so I can get in for a scan early, then if it happens again I can go the same route and save my last tube. I grew up the oldest of four kids and I know I at least want two. I hope to see you on the Preparing for Your Next Pregnancy board and I’m here to chat if you’d like. I find it is hard to talk with people about this because we didn’t really even have to chance to tell people we were expecting, now we would have to tell them just to be able to talk about it.

Jess

5

Hey Jess,

My brother in law lives in Seattle. Nice town. I live in Texas.

Agree that this forum has been great. I’m amazed we don’t have very good resources on this topic in the US, and we certainly don’t have good knowledge of this complication. It’s been challenging trying to explain to people what happened.

I am also here for you if you’d like to chat. I totally get feeling alone.

I’ll be on the Preparing for Pregnancy forum in the near future. I’m 35 so I’m anxious about waiting longer than I have to to try again. Do you have a period tracker app? If not, I recommend Flo. It helped me give my doctor exactly the information she needed (dates, symptoms log, time between periods etc.)

Hope you have a nice weekend!