Hello,
Firstly thank you EPT for this space, I haven’t utilised it up until now but I am grateful for a space to talk, share and hopefully connect with others.
In the last 3 years I have had 3 miscarriages and am now experiencing my third ectopic. The first was undetected for 10 weeks, even with scans, until i needed emergency surgery and had a tube removed. The second - expectant management and resolved itself. This third one I am on my second dose of methotrexate and waiting to see whether it has worked or not.
I have an amazing partner and supportive family and friends who I can speak to, but this time around I just dont want to speak to anyone because they dont know how this feels and i feel they will unintentionally be dismissive and jump straight to ‘it will happen’, ‘stay positive’ and ask all the usual questions and give their advice which isnt always helpful. I really feel its time i found people to speak to who have experienced this before.
I also have 2 close friends who are currently pregnant at the same time, which has been difficult. Its not their fault but i am really feeling like this is so unfair, i am so envious of them and am not sure how to manage those feelings in myself.
I have had pregnancy loss counselling before which was a huge help, but at this stage i am really in need of people who know how this feels.
Thank you for reading x
Dear njiSparkle,
I am so sorry to hear of your losses. Experiencing one loss is difficult, dealing with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.
Do not feel bad about how you feel about your friends either. Pregnancies can be stark reminders about what could have been and I certainly felt how you did. Its ok to feel the way you do. Do whatever you need to protect your heart right now.
I don’t know if you can in your area of if its something you have the strength for right now, but is there the possibility of being referred to fertility specialist given your losses. It might be worth asking your GP if they can refer you.
From your own words, I can imagine what an incredibly hard time this is for you right now. Some people find journaling helps to be able to write down emotions sometimes helps us make sense of them. For now, its ok to take things day by day. Be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and recover both physically and emotionally.
We will be here for you for as long as you need.
Sending gentle hugs,
Karen x
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