Bad news

Alternative Routes to Parenthood
1

Scan this morning showed baby but no heartbeat. I had three different nurses come to look - so desperate were they to find one for me.

Just devestated after we’d come so far this time and part of me still doesn’t believe it can be true. The baby had grown and was just there looking like it should do, just no little flicker.

Just have to decide now what kind of miscarriage I have - at home or hospital. Thinking I’d like to go to hospital and get it done. Also hoping they’ll be nice and let me see baby one more time on scan to say goodbye. I couldn’t today.

Fin x

2

Oh no no no :frowning: :frowning: Fin i’m so sorry xxxxxxx

3

Oh Finn.

Devastated for you. Just can’t put into words how devestated.

There is nothing that can be said other than do exactly what you feel you want and surround yourself and hubby with family and friends who can support and care for you. Sending you all my love and thoughts. Xxxx

4

Fin - I think we’ve always missed each other on the Alts board and were cycling at different times, but I just wanted to say how very very sorry I am to hear this news. Like Jo says, do everything you can to surround yourself with support and love and do whatever you feel you nee to do to get through this awful time. I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby, sending you gentle hugs xxx

Leah

5

Oh no Fin. I’m so, so sorry that this pregnancy turned out like this for you - you deserved it to work a million times over. Remember we’re all here for you.

6

Fin I’ve been following your story and I am unbelievably gutted that it has turned out like this for you. You must be devastated :frowning: As sushi said we are all here when you need us and thinking of you. Big hugs xxxxxxx

7

Oh no, Finn, I’m so so sorry to hear this, that’s just devastating. There really are no words, after everything you’ve been through, this is just unbelievably unfair.

Look after yourself and we’re all here whenever you need us

Sending you bug hugs

Love Angie x

8

Fin I am so terribly sorry to hear this news.

You will always have love and support here, so please feel free to talk if you feel the need.

Kind regards

EPT Host 11

9

Hope you’re doing as best you can Finn and that everything has gone how you have chosen. Thinking of you lots and lots. Xxx

10

Thanks to all for good wishes. Had the MVA today…painful, but mercifully quick. They’ve agreed to do genetic testing, but not sure if it will work because I was still early.But, if it does it might give us some answers and perhaps some closure if we know this one wasn’t meant to be and the drug cycle may still work.

EPAU also let us look again on a scan yesterday so we could say goodbye without 4 other people in the room all prodding around which gave me a sense of peace I didn’t have before. But I know when it will really hit me again. In three weeks I know - because this always happens - a friend will phone and excited/sheepishly/guiltily (depending on what they know about my history) tell me about their 12 week scan…and in November another baby will be born that isn’t mine. Next month our first lost baby would have been six years old. I could drive myself mad wondering what this is all for, but trying instead to focus on getting away on holiday in a few weeks and just putting one foot in front of the other.

Fin x

11

Hi Fin

I have been following your story and just wanted to say how very sorry I am for you. It seems so very unfair that you have been subjected to yet another loss. I am absolutely astounded by your bravery and your courage and conviction to keep trying, you truly are an inspiration to us all and deserve to be rewarded. Lets hope the medical proffession are able to get some answers that might bring about a change of luck for you and deliver you the baby you so desperately want and deserve.

K

12

It’s just not fair at all Finn, these milestones are so surreal as they sneak up on you and catch you by surprise.

Sounds like the hospital gave you the best possible ‘goodbye’ to your little spark and rightly so. Sorry to hear that the proceedure was painful, it doesn’t make any of this any easier, I hope you’re able to rest up and recover physically as best as possible. A holiday makes sense, I find that returning from a getaway was always a good new start.

Take care of you for now.

Jo

Xxx

13

how are you fin ? (stupid question)

thinking of you xxx

14

So sorry to hear this :frowning:

15

Sorry, it’s ages since I posted my last news and I can see on here that so many have you have gone on to have happy events - just what I needed today. Fingers crossed for everyone with BFP, baby high-fives for those actually with little sproglets and hugs for everyone else.

I’m here just to write things down and for a bit of advice. Last time I was here we found out that my baby’s heart had stopped. I made a fuss and had genetic testing done. For the first time I was actually pregnant enough to do this and I really wanted to know what was going on. It was the right thing to do. I found out it was a boy - the only one of the ten pregnancies I’ve had that I found out the sex and it made it so much more real and special, It meant I could name him - if only in my head. We also found out that he had Trisomy 13 - very rare, not genetically transferred in our case and something that almost always causes miscarriage. Its something that gave me comfort in strange way. I know there is nothing I did, no pessary I was late taking, no run for the bus…nothing could have saved him. It’s always tortured me that somehow I had hurt the others.

The consultant said that he couldn’t be certain, but as I’d got this far - so further than my other pregnancies and seen a heart-beat - that the cocktail of drugs I was taking was working and I had a good chance of staying pregnant with a health baby. The irony that the one time out of ten I’ve managed to stay pregnant to 8 weeks in the right place and see a heart beat was the one time I had a baby with T13 is just too painful to think about, but it gave me hope and we had another set of frosties left over.

Unfortunately that FET cycle was over on Tuesday with a very BFN. And so my dilemma.

Eight years I’ve been at this. Ten pregnancies - 3 ectopics, seven miscarriages, no tubes left. Three fresh cycles of IVF, two frozen. I make lots of eggs and although I’m now 39, I was a good responder a year ago on my fresh cycle - in fact I over stimmed on a short protocol. And I know I can get pregnant on IVF - a chemical on my first fresh cycle (before I got all the good drugs) and my last pregnancy was on a FET.

But do I do it again? I know my husband thinks I’ve had enough and paying out £4k to torture me again is too much for too many reasons. But this is it? At 39, I have very little time and will I always regret not trying again? It’s not like I can come back to this in 2 years. Adoption isn’t really a good option for us as our local authority like you to have lots of contact with children and 8 years and 10 miscarriages hasn’t exactly encouraged me to throw myself into the path of babies. I’ve kept contact better with friends who have no kids, it’s just easier to socialise with people in a similar position and spending Saturday night around the house of a friends with children born on my due dates is tough.

I know you can’t tell me what to do, but some experience and advice would be appreciated. These boards have saved my life over these hard years and I will always appreciate the help I’ve had here. I will try to catch up with everyone, but love to all for now…

Fin x

16

Hi Fin (hug)

Sorry to hear your journey is full of pot holes, mine too.

No real advice as such just that you are at a similar cross road to myself, I’ve done the fertility trail after trying for years.

OH has swimmer issues & after this EP I feel dread at the thought of more IVF.

My thoughts are still raw but seeing a line in my mind regarding children, adoption for us too is not an option.

I had started to think lap & tube removal but already been warned my ovary might have too come out too. What’s the point if I need to give up?

I’m tired of all my life revolving around fertility but what would I replace it with? Would I ever find something that matters as much to fill my heart & time? To see my OH never have his child, my child.

Would I rattle around this big house forever with nothing but ghosts for company?

I don’t have answers yet but in finding questions I feel I’m not quite ready to throw in the towel, maybe when I feel stronger, 1 more IVF, but set in my mind before I start that journey, 1 last go, no more, 1 last chance, then for our sanity we are done

Strange comparison, I had a friend that had an ill dog, it ruled her life, no Hollidays, restricted work, almost got her evicted, she payed the vet bils, got into debt etc, after years of telling her to get the dog put to sleep, move forward with life, one day years later she did. I feel like my concentration on fertility is my ill dog, one day, I will have to put it to sleep, move on, I think I will know that day when it comes.

Paying 6k for an EP, I think I should be able to take my reciept back & get a refund, if the TV went pop, I’d be straight back to Commet :roll: :lol:

17

After some soul searching we’ve decided to try one more go.

Just felt that I couldn’t settle without another go and so I’m back on the roller coaster.

Meeting with new clinic at the end of the month…although…

I think that my history - and the fact I’m paying for this - gives me the right to march in and say I want the short protocol with clexane, extra progesterone, extra folic acid, steriods and no arguing :wink:

Has anyone else been so demanding? IVF clinics and EPAUs probably circulate my photo with a warning - “Knows too much for her own good”.

Hope4 - what did you decide? I know what you mean about the feeling of your whole life revolving around this. I’m starting to feel defined by my history.

Fin x

18

Hi Finn,

Just wanted to say that I’m hoping beyond hope that things go smoothly and to say 100% that you are more than within your rights to DEMAND what you want and get it! You know your body, you know your history. Don’t settle, don’t let there be any what ifs. Go for it. I’ll be watching out for your new thread entitled ‘news’ or better still ‘good news’ as this one is too sad to continue. Fresh start my love. Xxxx